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Within eight weeks, however, I was second guessing whether we really a good fit. During those first weeks, John would make remarks which I found odd.For example, sometimes he could see I was online on our chatting App but I wasn’t texting him.Looking back after it ended I saw the red flags more clearly, and I saw how early they had appeared—earlier than I had realized at the time.I recognized that I had seen warning signs of his real character and our incompatibility, and that my instincts had been telling me to back off for some time. I thought it was his nerves, his anxiety, his not wanting to be hurt again, or because he loved me so much. But a balanced person puts their own needs across, just not in a selfish way. It is not trying to control who they spend time with.He assured me he differently and that he would address his thought processes and behavior going forward, but it was an empty promise. It seemed he only ever saw our relationship from his viewpoint—what he needed at that moment, regardless of what I was doing or how I was feeling.
We emailed, texted and phoned and spent many hours talking.
He even began reading a book to help with his insecurities and anxiety.
I wasn’t sure but, again, I gave him the benefit of the doubt. I never lied to him about my whereabouts or who I was with, and I made clear my intentions for our relationship.
Initially I just put these sorts of comments down to the difference in our cultures, us never having met, etc.
And in the spirit of giving him the benefit of the doubt, I agreed for him to come and visit me in England. We visited a great restaurant in London with fantastic views over the Thames. When you’re in the exciting early stages of a new relationship it can be really hard to see these warning signs for what they are—serious issues with insecurity and controlling behavior.